Nine Weeks In

Dear Mentor Teacher,

The first quarter is over, and still I feel like my year is only beginning. I think that I am learning more than my kids are. In fact, if you asked me what I've taught these last nine weeks, I could tell you - vaguely - but not with much confidence. Elements of plot; how to use 'who' and 'which' to add texture in writing; Bloom's taxonomy. Those are the high points.

Other points include, for better or for worse: teachers can and do curse if you talk enough; there really isn't much of a follow-through on stuff, either in class or from the administration; you really don't have to give a damn to get a grade; there are people out there who are pretty successful, but they don't have much in common with 'normal' people.

Now, as for the things that I've learned... they are many, and many are tragic. A lot of them have to do with school bureaucracy and incompetence. I'm learning to march to my own beat, because the rest of the orchestra is one giant cacophony, and the conductor is late. On some level I realized I would have to adopt a "screw you, I'll just do my own thing" mentality, but I didn't believe it... until now. Nine weeks later. This of course is not meant to be flippant or irreverent... but let's see... oh, yes, it was two months before we received the curriculum we were supposed to be teaching. I wish they had just been up front that it would take that long, and I could have made alternative plans rather than playing the waiting game. Alas, communication.

But back to the main lessons I've learned. First and most pressing on my mind concerns assessment: we take grades not just so teachers can assess learning, but so that students, too, can judge their progress. That's why it's essential to grade for accuracy and not just completing, and to return work promptly. But there is the rub! How many kids would fail if there were no completion / participation grades? Why are there so many Cs in class when the majority of the grades do, in fact, come from completion?

During my interview, the principal asked an interesting question: do grades really teach responsibility? I could see both sides of the argument, and still can, but I'm inclined to agree with him on this one. Those kinds of grades reflect effort, or available time, not actual learning. And so my question now is, if that is what I've been grading, what is the use?

Sorry, dear students. You deserve better. I didn't realize what I was doing. I'll try to change. I only have eight weeks left though, and we've already bought into that culture - both of us, you and me.

I'm also sorry that I didn't realize what you're up against. The cultural bias against you. The community expectations for failure. The domestic turbulence you walk home to every day. The hunger you escape from every morning. The danger from excelling. The psychological decimation you came into my class with, thanks to your previous teachers. I've heard stories, and I've talked to seniors who had your old teachers for several years. I didn't know. I didn't understand. I just assumed. I still make assumptions.

I wish we could start over.

I'll be better next year.

I hope.

There are unbelievable odds against all of us. Thank God for friends, chocolate, and sarcasm. And hope. Tomorrow is a new day.

And so, mentor teacher, I sign off, very tired and considerably more humble than last spring. I'm sorry if I ever rolled my eyes at stuff you did - or didn't. I understand now.

Sincerely,
Your crazy, idealistic student teacher